Deeper Still

I keep asking: Where are you? I always ask the questions I already know the answers to. You're here, where you always are, patiently waiting for me to come to you, to acknowledge your presence.

Where are you, though?

That's the question I'm afraid to face, because most days I'm not so sure. I'm distracted, I think.

Distracted by what?

Nothing... my own thoughts... they never stop.

Share them with me?

I want to go back.

Back to what?
 

Back to those hills, to that lake where you made the rain stop for me. Back to where you first helped me realize that all I wanted was to be used by you... back to that cold concrete floor where I knelt crying for hours as you showed me  your plans for my life. I want to go back and say yes; I wanted to say yes.

Why didn't you?

Because I was afraid.

Afraid of what?

Letting you down again or not being enough.

I am enough. You just have to be willing.

 I want to be willing. I think I'm too comfortable though. I've grown complacent in mediocrity. I don't know how to live a life that requires faith. How do I do it?

Do you trust me? 

I think so.
 

What else do you want to go back to? 

You always know when there's more... Can we go back to that field of white daisies? I want to dance with you again.

No.

 Why not?

Because we aren't going back. We're starting over. What we had before was superficial and religious. I'm giving you Truth now; I want to take you deeper and deeper still. 

But everything feels so gray and empty now. I feel like a dried up well. My passions are lost. I felt you in that field, Abba. We danced so effortlessly. You spun me in circles and I felt so safe with you there.

I know. But I want to take you to a field of roses now. Can you trust me?