Beautiful Contradiction (For Romi)

She stood there with us each morning. With her accented English and flashcards in hand, she repeatedly declined our invitations. It was then that I noticed her. We were only strangers and I was only curious, but you used those mornings to help me see her through your eyes.

I felt like Saul on the road to Damascus. I believed I was living righteously for you, but I wasn't. And just like Saul I was not worthy of the mission you gave me. But my worth meant nothing in your grace. You used me to bring her close to you even before I knew you as Savior.

I did like Paul and became as she was. Football games, Halloween parties, and paint fumes brought us together in friendship. And I never stopped inviting her. Eventually she accepted and we all held hands in prayer to you. I began inviting her to youth group, and eventually she accepted that too.

Then the miraculous happened and I saw your hand move. January 5th was another Wednesday in which I religiously showed up and knelt at your feet, crying the same predictable prayer. It was one more service- like all the others- that I came to serve people in my own abilities rather than be used in your service.

But for her it was the day true life began. "I want to serve God with my whole heart and soul," she said. And my heart leapt with joy as she finally accepted your invitation. She fell in love with you while I was blindly still so far from you. I thought I became her big sister that day.... And yet today she is mine.

I love perspective because it gives me the opportunity to see life through so many different lenses.

In her lens I was her leader, a teacher, a wise friend with effective prayer and fierce faith.

In my view, I was the one who "got her saved." And with foolish pride I thought I'd be her inspiration and idol.

But now I am seeing what you saw that night. That night you set into motion the perfect example of the older serving the younger and the younger leading the older. I didn't know it then, but you began a story that would humble me. Though I thought I'd be pouring into her, it is in fact me who is learning so much from her.

Her faith in you even when she couldn't see anything promising in this world still amazes me. The fact that she has trusted you with so much in so little time is so beautiful. I hope to have her faith someday. Her commitment to remain pure in your sight among peers who aren't and her conviction to confess her belief in your existence when so many around her don't know you is a testimony of the strength you've given her.

I set out thinking she was the desperate lost soul in need of you and I would be the "faithful servant" who would bring her to you. But no. I was merely a stick you used to start the flame in her and then was thrown out among the debris. The miracle is that her fire for you joined with the rest of the light I followed to finally find my way home. In this world I am older and somehow that's supposed to mean I know more. But in your kingdom she is really my big sister and that is such a beautiful contradiction.