Going to Extremes

I remember what it was like with them. My cell phone was always within reach. I constantly checked my messages; we were always in constant communication. I would do anything and everything I could for time with them. They were my good morning and good night. I was obsessed and I called it love. I spent money to be with them; I gave up sleep to talk to them. I was always anxious for just one more word or kiss... They were my life.

It seems like you should have taken that place in m y life. You should be my good morning and good night. You should be the one who makes me anxious. I should be in constant communication with you, always worried that I might miss an important call or text if I'm not paying attention. I should sacrifice my time and money for you; I should chase you till I'm exhausted. You should be my life now.

Have I missed something? What keeps me back from making you my everything? Why do I not insist on spending every waking moment in your presence? Is it shame of what others may think? I never cared when I was with them,. Is it because I don't believe you'll meet me? You always do. Maybe I just haven't grasped how real you are yet? But I know that you're real. Perhaps I take you for granted because I know how faithful you are. I don't want to take your faithfulness for granted though.

How is it that I placed so much faith in their "forevers," but when you say it, I cant trust you? What is it inside of me that keeps me from taking hold of all you have for me? What does it look like to live in relationship with you? How can I make you my everything?

How is it that my "love" for them brought me to such extremes? I nearly flew to a foreign country for one, and for the other I gave up so much of who I was... but I haven't given myself fully to you yet or gone places for your sake...

I want to treat you the way I treated them: Like nothing else is even close to being so important. I want to give you everything; I want to fall in love with you. I want you to be the face I seek each morning and the arms that hold me as I drift to sleep each night.. I want you to be real in my life, so real that I can't deny you, so real that even just a moment without you is painful. I want to need you more than anything and love you with everything I am.

Help me.