Come Close

I want to dance into your arms like every father's daughter should... I want to spin with you in circles until we're laughing uncontrollably. I want to rest in your arms, my head on your chest, as I listen to just the beat of your heart. I want to know you more. Understand you more deeply. I want to be with you constantly. But I feel like everything else is distracting me from that.

I want to know that what I'm seeing now, all the things that don't make sense and don't seem fair, are nevertheless in your hands. I want to know that you see me, that you know how much it's hurting, and that you're going to work it out for me in your perfect timing.

I can't slow down, it seems. There are so many demands and expectations. I feel like there's a sign on my back saying "kick me" because every time I'm finally moving again, I get knocked back down. I feel like the whole world is waiting for me to fail so that they can all say "I told you so."

But you promised me that I would not be left in need. You promised that you would not let me be put to shame. You promised that you would provide for me. You promised that I would experience life in abundance. I'm trying to remember that and believe for that- regardless of the circumstances I'm in.
Give me a gentle spirit. Give me your peace. Help me settle down and focus on you. Help my eyes stay fixed on you in this storm, in this chaos. My fears are growing and so is the anxiety. I feel as though you're a million miles away, not right next to me. Can you show me that you're close to me?

I feel so selfish for asking. I feel greedy for wanting things to be easier. I feel like I'm acting like a two year old. And that makes me feel like I'm disgracing you... Is it okay for me to want more of your presence? Is it okay for me to find this situation difficult? Is it okay that I'm hurting right now? Or am I being a baby? I don't want to make you angry...

I want to trust you. I don't want to complain or fall apart at the seams. I don't even want to fix it all myself. I just want to know that you're here. I want to know that you're holding my mess together... I want to know that you're not leaving me with all these problems. I need you right now.