Yes, Lord

Someone asked me today in an incredulous tone- "Do you really want to let God tell you who to love; how to live your life?"

It surprised me how quickly my reply came: Absolutely, YES!!

This isn't about me though, guys. This is about a power working inside of me that I didn't have before. The power of God. His Holy Spirit. It's beginning to change me. Three weeks ago I would have second guessed that answer. I would have wondered if I was making a mistake. I would fear that the one asking me would pass judgment on me.


It amazes me how prideful and arrogant I was at the start of this year (not that I am cured yet; but there is progress). One good friend described me in January as, "unwilling to listen to anything anyone else had to say." I thought I knew everything. I had every answer. I knew what I would do the next minute, the next day, the next year. 

Now God reminds me that I am but a vapor. A mist. I am here one day and the next day gone. God reminds me that His ways are so much higher than mine; His thoughts are above me. His ways are above mine. I cannot measure the depths of His understanding, nor can I understand His will. I can only say, "Yes, Lord."

I have said yes to so many things before; things that have harmed me, things that were not of God. Those things brought me to the place I found myself at on the night of February 10th. Those things had me bound tightly in chains I couldn't see. They had control of me.

But God has saved me from all of that. When I said, "Yes, Lord," the chains fell off. They were shattered and broken to pieces and I was able to enter into the wonderful freedom of Christ. I am no longer a slave to sin, but a daughter of the King. I am no longer condemned, but forgiven. Things that once had control over me: hatred, unforgiveness, doubt, fear, depression, anxiety, anger... those things became obsolete the moment I said, "Yes, Lord." How beautiful is that?

But saying yes did not end there. It continues today; everyday. I must say "yes" to Him everyday while denying myself. Joyce Meyer makes a good point about this; she says: people think it sounds so holy when you talk about denying yourself like Paul talked about. "I denied myself!" and everyone wants to applaud...

But what does that really mean? To deny oneself and accept God's will over one's own?? 

Jesus said, "He who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me." 

I think about what that really means. I think of Jesus in the garden, sweating blood as He begs his Dad not to let Him die. I think about Him standing before Pontius Pilate as His fellow Jews choose a murderer to be released instead of Him. I think about the crowds of people that followed Him during His ministry- did He ever turn any of them away because He was tired or worn out? And finally I picture His cross, the nails in His hands... It wasn't comfortable to deny Himself. It wasn't easy to say "Yes, Lord." But He did it because He saw the bigger picture. He saw His Father's children in heaven for eternity. He saw others healed in His name. He saw me. He saw you.


If I do not deny myself, I am not worthy of the life God has to offer me.

There have been so many times that I have stood before God in prayer and said, "God, I am not worthy... I am dirty. I am filthy rags and ashes..." And it's true- we are very filthy in the presence of God's holiness. But Christ died that we may be cleansed; that we may approach His throne in confidence. "Come now, let us reason together. Though your sins are like scarlet, I shall make them white as snow." 


God asks us to deny ourselves so that we may be able to clothe ourselves in the worthiness that Christ earned on the cross for us. No, we will never be worthy in our own strength- just like we will never be holy or perfect or humble. But because of Jesus' sacrifice, we can clothe ourselves in His holiness, His righteousness, His humbleness, and His worthiness. And in His worthiness, we can lay hold of a destiny beyond our wildest dreams.  But we must say "Yes, Lord."


It's easy to say "yes" to things that sound exciting. If God said you were going to write a best seller for Him or reach the lost in far away places like Mozambique or the Andes, it would be easy to jump up and down and agree whole heartedly. But God never starts there. 

He never starts by asking us to go to Africa. He asks us to obey our parents. He doesn't start by asking us to raise the dead. He asks us to give up our facebook account or cell phone. He starts by asking us to give up our boyfriend or girlfriend. He asks us to give up talking back and arguing. He asks us to stop drinking or stop looking at those pictures. 


He who is faithful with a little can be trusted with much.

It isn't until we are faithful and say "yes"  with the little things like having quiet time everyday, giving to someone in need without gloating about it, listening for once instead of sharing your life story all the time, that God begins to ask us to say "yes" to the things we find more exciting. It comes through sacrifice. The more we die to ourselves, the more God is able to trust us with His will.


I can confess that I am not there yet. I am still saying "yes" to the little things like quiet times and resisting temptations, and a lot of times I say "no" and have to go back and ask for God to forgive me... But I am learning. Saying "yes" today was a step for me. This is all a process. But I know that as I continue to say "yes" to things like that, God will begin giving me more to say "yes" to.

I am still trying to figure out my purpose and the will God has for me. I may be a missionary, a writer, a teacher, or a housewife... I don't know. But I know that as I continue to say "yes" to God and "no" to myself, He will continue revealing His perfect plan to me. I know these small steps are going to take me into a great destiny. If I practice being faithful now, there is nothing God can't accomplish through me later. I have decided to keep saying "Yes, Lord." No matter what.

I have lived life without those two words. I lived life saying "yes" to myself all the time and it only got me lost. I know that when I am in control of my life, everything spins out of control. So instead I say, "Yes, Lord, thy will be done."