Wiped Clean (Arguments with God)

I think it's so funny how you would use this experience to change me. Once again, you're asking me to go beyond this world's standards and cling to what I know is only good in your eyes.

I have let music be so important to me. It was so important, that I would steal it. Limewire was my best friend several years ago because I could download any music I wanted and it was always free. It was okay, because everybody did it. And it wasn't really stealing. Besides, most of the music I downloaded was Christian music, and Christians are charitable... they'd give me their music free if I asked them... right?

Lies. Excuses. Reasons I use to try and justify my actions because it's more comfortable to keep doing wrong and act like I don't know it is wrong, than to do the right thing and allow you to change me a little more.

I bought a new computer. Just like the new me, it is wiped cleaned. Nothing on it. No website ever viewed. No file ever placed on it. I didn't see it at first, but now I'm beginning to understand the subtle parallel. How could I, with integrity, place the old onto the new if the old does not please you?

I tried again and again in frustration. I have put so many hours into trying to transfer file after file. Meanwhile, your gentle Spirit attempts to show me my guilt. I pushed it away, clicked "remind me later," and tried again and again. Meanwhile, frustrations increased as I attempted so many other avenues.

I resign though, God. I will not turn against integrity to do what satisfies me. I cannot click "ignore"  again because it's wearing down my battery...

It may seem so small a revelation... "don't steal music anymore." But I think this lesson is so much more than that. You're not just asking me to walk in integrity with the music I put onto my computer. You're asking me to walk in integrity in my own life. There are still certain areas of my life that I haven't completely surrendered to you, hidden files tucked away, embedded in codes that I sometimes hope in secrecy no one will be able to crack... I have allowed some virus-filled files of my old life to be transfered into the new life I am supposed to be living in You.

How can I say I am new if the old is still present? How can I expect things to run smoothly if I'm allowing things that you've asked me to delete to still sit hidden in my recycling bin? I don't want to recycle my old self- it's supposed to be gone for good. I want to wipe my hard drive completely clean and start fresh.

Thank you Jesus for this revelation.

Recognizing the Power I have in Christ

We're chasing after desires and following emotions. In a world where performance is everything, we've neglected morals. In a society where career ladder climbing contends with character, we find starving children and lost souls. Why have we depended on our own abilities? Why do we follow the line of blind leaders telling us who we should be, instead of leading the blind to become what we’ve already been called? A holy nation, a royal priesthood, children of light… Have we really bowed our knees to lies and accepted the false reality that there is no eternal consequence? We have become a people robbed and plundered. We tell our children they can be anything, but conceal ourselves in tiny boxes of comfort, completely opposed to making an impact. Heads down, eyes veiled behind paper work and computer screens, focused on the next due date or deadline… we forget the people we’re passing and pretend that pain doesn’t penetrate the hearts of those surrounding us. We worry about payments and future security. We store up treasures that will never last… Have we forgotten the greatness of our God? Have we let go of His promises? We take His name on Sunday mornings, bow down in holy reverence, we pray the prayers and repeat the phrases… but where is the transformation? When the love of God touches you, you cannot possibly be the same! When you wrestle with God like Jacob and battle your enemies at Jericho, something inside of you changes! When the God of the universe speaks to you, you never walk as you did before! Why have we neglected faith only to grasp religiosity? Do we really think that the law will save us? Will just “being good” bring us our salvation? Impossible! The law separated us from our Father and “good people” crucified His son! Where are his children now? Why do we lean on lies of fame and fortune and plastic surgery for our happiness? Do we really think that an Ipad or Kendall can bring us the joy that is in Christ? Why do we allow these limits? We let the world tell us what to wear, what to buy, what to eat, how to act… all the while suicide and divorce rates sore and depression is so common, it’s accepted! We have stayed here too long; we have tarried at Gilgal for too long! We should have made it to the Jordan by now and received a double portion of His spirit! Imagine the miracles we could experience if we only grasp that truth! Imagine the numbers of salvations and transformations that would be possible. Jesus said that we would be able to do anything! Why have we overlooked the fact that Peter walked on the water too? Christ has said, “Come out to me,” and we’ve stayed here in our boat, refusing to answer his call. Good people will go to hell. The Bible is clear about that. We cannot allow ourselves to be brainwashed into “safe” Christianity. The truth is it is only idolatry. If we’re not serving the true Jesus, we’re worshipping an idol of who we believe He is, a false god, one who doesn’t even exist… we will be wasting our time. We cannot seek to be comfortable. Our purpose is not to find all of our dreams coming true. We’ve been called to follow. That’s it. God is not a shooting star to be wished upon. He doesn’t give us answers: He makes US the answers! When will His people rise up and take on their calling? When will we be His hands healing and His words speaking? When will our God be more than a commitment for Sunday mornings? We must remove the blinders that keep us bound and blinded in complacency and take a look at the real world around us. It’s time we do more than exist; it’s time to love relentlessly and carry the burdens of the broken. It’s time to lose the façade of world-view compassion and let the fire of God consume those in the darkness. It’s time for His people to seek more than their own salvation, but become concerned with the eternities of others. What would God say about our selfishness if we stopped to listen? We have the hope of the world; we carry with us the answer to eternity. We carry life and power… but we haven’t used any of it. We’ve let this gift sit unopened in our spirits, afraid perhaps… but of what? Our words have the power to move mountains when combined with faith! We have the ability to raise the dead! Why do we leave it up to the “pastors” to take a stand in the face of injustice? Did God not use David? Timothy? Mary? Were they not the “smallest,” “insignificant” people of their time? God never calls those who are able. He enables those that He calls. When a group of Christians decide to walk in that promise, we will see a people healed. We will see lives touched. We will see God’s favor and watch the defeat of the enemy. When a generation finally stands up for our God, our God will show Himself strong for us! God is waiting for us, though. He is waiting for a people willing to face persecution and still worship; still walk in conviction. He’s looking for a heart SOLD OUT for Him alone. When we finally do that, a revival will come. A revival will sweep this nation and His Spirit will be poured out. God will show up… We just haven’t asked Him to yet. That’s the problem.

3/24/11

A Glimpse of Maybe

I'm suddenly beginning to see how crucial each of our roles is. I realize we're not perfect. The dysfunction we've grown to accept is quite enough to make any outsider question us and look down on us... And of course there are moments when the chaos is enough to make me wish things were different. But when I looked around last night- really looked- I saw us for who and what we really are.

We are broken and dirty and we're falling apart, yes. But we are so much more than that. In the eyes of each person I could see a soul, and I saw their desire to love and to be loved. I saw beauty as You meant it, dear One. I saw just a tiny glimpse of who we were and who we might have become had life worked out more ideally. Then I realized it's not too late to have all that.

I didn't just see this on the faces of my generation though. I heard it in the voices of the generation before mine- a longing to make time again, to share again, to be together like before. And again I recognized it when a few of us were brave enough to voice our hope to stay in touch and love more fiercely in the future as we grow.

There was such a peace last night, and I feel lit carrying me into this morning. I didn't know a deck of cards and bowling balls could evoke such emotion. It was like You gave me Your eyes to see past the thing I've always held against them. And then You gave me Your heart to love them just a bit more than I thought I could.

I know we're still imperfect. But the love we share cancels out imperfection. Never have I felt so free to be myself than in the presence of those I've known our whole lives. We were free to dance and sing, to pose and to play. We were free to joke and laugh and hug... We were free to know family as you intended it to be. Beautiful.

I only pray now you give us the strength to fight for each other. I hope You give us courage and determination to move around all the obstacles that have for so long hindered us. Make us desperate for each other and for the family that we've always known laid just out of sight in the rubble of our silence.