I ache for beauty, but I am only aware of the ashes right now. I feel the cold coming with it's lonely darkness, and in part I yearn for the sun to come again. But I find myself hiding from the little sunlight that still shows itself. I am afraid that I've become a hypocrite. Words pour out of me in wisdom that isn't mine and I am changing. But alone, I feel the same.
What is permanent and eternal? What is going to last? I have no answers. But I'm still trying to define what surrounds me. I can't accept that some answers are for tomorrow, and so I spend tired nights trying to make it all make sense. Will it ever make sense?
Am I throwing my pearls at swine or am I trusting more deeply? Am I getting Better or becoming ordinary? Am I comfortably numb or faithfully complacent with what you've given so far? Am I believing for Better still, or am I just settling with indifference? Where is the center? I don't want to be an extremist.
I am afraid to be alone. I am afraid I will be forgotten in the rush of things and that I will slip while no one is watching. But I don't want to be a part of the crowd anymore.
Remind me that I am never alone. Remind that you're still watching. Teach me balance.
